I Am Woman

I’m not a fan of Beyonce.  Oh, goodness, the tunes get me every time, but the rest of it?  I have a lot of problems with Beyonce.  Here’s just a selection:

1. Nasty Girl, anyone?  Quite apart from the dubiousness of lyrics telling women ‘these men don’t want no hot female that’s been around the block female’, the hypocrisy of her singing, ‘Nasty put some clothes on I told ya, don’t walk out your house without your clothes on’ without at least calling the song ‘Conversations with Myself’ or something similar is quite scary.  Hasn’t she seen, well, any of her own videos?  Did she completely forget Nasty Girl’s advice when she was gyrating around Jay-Z in a fur coat and basically no knickers in Crazy in Love?  The very best we can conclude is that her own advice was shit because she did indeed end up marrying Jay-Z, so apparently men do want hot females in tiny clothes, whether they go for walks around the neighbourhood or not.

2. ‘If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it‘??  Excuse me?  I hate this song particularly because not only do I love it (look, I already said I love the tunes), but because it made me almost wet myself laughing when it featured in Glee and the football team suddenly started doing the dance routine to it during a game – jesus, it was funny! – and then I had to stab myself in the eye because I started thinking about that old saying about if you’re not sure whether something is sexist/ridiculous/patriarchal then try to imagine a man doing it…and there they were, doing a stupid, wiggling, bump and grind jiggle that women routinely do in videos and boy, did they look stoopid.  And so that took all the fun right out of it, and I realised that mine eye had offended me, so out it had to come (according to Matthew 18:9, I believe; I’m not known for following biblical advice but this one seemed right on the money).

3. She sells the whole nearly-naked writhing as empowerment.  I therefore would not let her within a million miles of my daughter.

And on and on.

But 3. is really my point (I do tend to take a while to get to the point, don’t I?).  For some real empowerment in your lyrics, look no further than this little gem, Not the Tremblin’ Kind, by Laura Cantrell (oh, yes, I am a little bit country).  The link sounds awful, sorry ’bout that, cos this song is a superb sing-a-longer.

You can play master but I won’t wear your chains.

Throw out your dreams, and tell me what remains.

Shake your power in my face, but leave your threats behind.

Oh, no, no, no, I’m not the tremblin’ kind.

You want me to get down on my knees.

And beg for just a little sympathy.

You want me to go to bed,defeated and resigned.

Oh, no, no, no, I’m not the tremblin’ kind.

It’s alright, yeah, I’m not afraid to stand my ground.

‘Cause you’ll find that you’re never gonna break me down.

No, No.

No more promises, no more of your lies.

No more wasted virtues, no more call at your tries.

I may be a fugitive: I’m not runnin’ blind.

Oh, no, no, no, I’m not the tremblin’ kind.

Often, often on repeated repeat round BoogieVille and second only to ‘I am Woman’ as my favourite feminist song.  Almost lamentably, this is not Boogie’s favourite Laura Cantrell song; that honour goes to this.  I say almost lamentably, because hearing a five year old walking down the street singing, ‘Oh, the whiskey makes you sweeter than you are, if I’d quit drinking sooner la la la la la,’ kinda makes up for it.

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About MistressofBoogie

Feminist. Loud-mouth. Sometimes those two are linked. Sometimes not. View all posts by MistressofBoogie

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