Contrary to what the Daily Male would tell you if they ever did an expose on me, I like dresses. And contrary to Boogie’s recent assertion that I wear jeans ‘every day‘, I actually wear dresses quite a lot. I hated them and skirts with a passion when I was younger and with very good reason given that I spent my childhood playing British Bulldog and climbing trees. Dresses just got in the way of that so they never figured at all in my wardrobe. Now that my days very rarely involve activities that would be hindered by even the fullest of skirts, I find dresses to be a very convenient and quick way of getting dressed in the morning – I only have to find one item and a clean-ish pair of leggings or tights and voila! I am dressed (in both senses of the word)! That’s wardrobe gold right there if like me, the mere idea of getting dressed wipes you out for the rest of the (pajama-ed) day. I even kinda feel sorry for men (in this culture at least) that they don’t get the option.
But at playgroup the other day, I saw something that reminded me that I really need to get on and start hashing out the laws that will govern come the revolution. I know, I know, I should be on it already; hopefully Catherine Mackinnon isn’t as lackadaisical or the whole thing may go to ratshit.
A girl child (identified by the glow of pinkness radiating from her every surface and, in case that wasn’t enough to avoid gender-based mishaps, by the flowery clip hanging on for dear life to her almost non-existent hair) was crawling. I say crawling, but it was more ‘attempting to crawl whilst under the influence of a dress’. Every time the poor kid made a move, the dress would be pulled downwards by her knees causing her head to bow as it stretched at the neck. It was almost like she was being forced to kowtow in reverence to The Patriarchy which had imprisoned her in the very item of clothing forcing the bow. To make the image even more poignant, a boy of similar age was crawling up a storm aided not only by trousers, but by trousers featuring the nifty addition of knee patches. What a great idea! Trousers! With knee patches!! I know – this is great, you’ll love it – let’s put them on girls, too!
So, New Law No.1 (admittedly these won’t necessarily be in order of importance): It will be illegal to manufacture or procure dresses or skirts for any baby of crawling age (such age to be defined broadly). Anybody found guilty of the above offence will be forced to run a half-marathon with their legs tied together.