Watch Me Vanish

The Vanish advert – you know the one (although they’re all equally offensive): a birthday boy blows out his cake candles, throwing bits of cake (and snot presumably) onto his dad’s pristine white shirt.  The woman – who I’m guessing is supposed to be his mother but acts more like an indentured domestic slave who’s terrified of being sent back – rushes over and laments ‘I don’t know if I can get this clean and bright again and please, Mister Boss-man, please don’t send me back there, I’ll do anything’ or some such.  It used to piss me off and now it just makes me laugh since I transposed the action to my own house.

MofB:  Shit, child, look what you did to BM’s shirt.  Nice one.

Boogie: Yeah, heh heh.  Daddy’s covered in cake crap.

MofB: Need to move quicker next time, BM.

BM: Shit, look at it.  It’s my brand new shirt.

MofB: Must be, looking at how nice and bright white it is.  Things don’t come out of our washing machine looking like that, eh?

BM: Can you get it out?

MofB: I probably could.  But given that I’m in no danger of being ‘sent back’ anywhere, what the fuck’s it got to do with me?

BM: Oh, come on, you’re better at these things than me.

MofB: See Boogie, good comes from everything.  You ruin daddy’s shirt and it turns into a learning experience for him and he becomes a better person – and a better stain remover – as a result.

Boogie: Can I eat my cake now?

BM: Oh, please?  Have you got anything to get this crap off?

MofB: No.  I don’t believe in stain removers.  But feel free to buy some if you feel like testing my theory.

BM: Honestly.  Can you deal with it or not?

MofB: Can I deal with it?  Sure, hand it over.

Some days later…

BM: Where’s my new shirt.

MofB: Now?  I’m guessing in a landfill somewhere.

BM: What?? You threw it out?

MofB: You had a dirty shirt.  Now you have no dirty shirt.  I am nothing if not a problem solver.  You can thank me later, I’m off down the karaoke.


About MistressofBoogie

Feminist. Loud-mouth. Sometimes those two are linked. Sometimes not. View all posts by MistressofBoogie

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